Why Your Brain Gets Better with Age
The 4 Phases of Growth People Never Expect
Last summer, a friend of mine told me about her mother’s birthday. She had just turned 78. Instead of a quiet dinner, her mom decided she wanted to take her grandchildren ziplining.
Naturally, the family thought she was joking—but she wasn’t. Harnessed up and grinning, she sailed through the trees, whooping louder than the kids.
Later that night, over cake, she said something to her family that stuck with me: “When I was younger, I worried about doing everything right. Now I just want to do what matters. And today, this mattered.”
Doing what matters, instead of doing things right (according to society’s standards) demonstrates the kind of wisdom that’s gained over a lifetime of experience.
This wisdom reshapes what we value and how we spend our time.
This is one of benefits of Developmental Intelligence, we discussed last week. Now, we’re going to see how our Developmental Intelligence evolves through our life.
The Four Phases of Growth in the Second Half of Life
Phase I: Quest (mid-30’s to mid-60’s)
This is essentially the Quest for the meaning of life. Specifically, the meaning of your life.
You hear about people going through a mid-life crisis. This is the stage they’re talking about. It doesn’t have to be a crisis, however. That is just one way of dealing with the restless feelings frequently experienced as you confront your mortality.
More often than not, looking at your life with fresh eyes sparks an Inner Push to find the values that matter most.
In this time of reflection, you might pause and ask yourself:
Where have I been?
Where am I now?
Where am I going?
During this stage you’ll find yourself becoming less impulsive and more thoughtful. You’ll start to appreciate complexity, trust your intuition, and rethink the kind of work and relationships that truly matter to you.
This happens because your brain continues changing throughout your life. As you age, the left and right hemispheres communicate more smoothly, balancing logic with intuition.
That means you have greater productivity, creativity, and a clearer sense of self than you did when you were younger.
Phase II: Zest (late 50s into the 70s)
If the first phase is about reevaluating your life, the second is about breaking free.
In this stage, the questions shift from “What’s safe?” to “Why not?” and “If not now, when?”
This is the time when most people consider retirement.
You may start your retirement taking a much needed rest. You need to rejuvenate and relax.
Eventually, however, you’ll feel a desire to reinvent yourself. This will become a time to experiment, to contemplate what’s next, and to try things that got pushed aside during the busy middle years. (My friend’s mother, mentioned above, was in this stage of life.)
The motivation (ie. Inner Push) here is toward liberation—not compliance. It’s a time to shed old expectations and discover the joy of doing what you want to do, rather than what you should do.
This might be the time you decide to make a career change, especially if you’re unfulfilled in your current job. You might feel the need to satisfy your passion, as did 69% of older workers who switched professions.
Phase III: Meaning (late 60s through 80s)
By the time you enter your late 60s and beyond, reflection becomes just as important as innovation. This phase is marked by a strong desire to make sense of your story and give back in meaningful ways.
People often take up projects like organizing family photos, writing memoirs, or passing down family history.
Research shows “80% of people in this stage do some kind of volunteer work.[1]”
The big questions you ask here are similar to:
How do I want to be remembered?
How do I leave the world better than I found it?
How can I resolve conflicts with my loved ones before it’s too late?
Interestingly, your brain seems to relish this phase. Both hemispheres fire together, enriching your ability to connect meaning with memory. The result is not just nostalgia, but inner insight, as your mind lights up with ideas.
Phase IV: Mellowing (late 70s until life’s end)
The final phase is reflection and celebration.
Even now, your brain is learning and evolving. New dendrites, synapses, and neurons continue to form—especially when you stay mentally and physically active.
However, you might also notice certain cognitive abilities slowing down. You might have a harder time remembering details or staying focuses.
At the same time, you’ll find certain capacities deepen. Wisdom takes on new richness, resilience grows stronger, and satisfaction with life often increases. You’ll feel a sense of peace, even in the face of illness or limitations.
Positive emotions tend to outweigh negative ones as the amygdala itself changes in ways that support well-being.
This is the phase where your creativity can blossom. New forms of art, advocacy, or community involvement might intrigue you. These interests will be fueled not by ambition, but by your desire to live your life more full-filled.
The myths of aging as decline are just that—myths. You can expect not only growth but joy, right up until the final encore.
But what if you’re sick or get Dementia?
At every age you may experience accidents, disease, financial difficulties, etc. And these unfortunate problems do tend to increase as we age.
But dementia is in a league of it’s own…
“It seems difficult if not impossible to say someone is aging “successfully” when they have progressive cognitive and functional loss.” And some “experts” try to put a sugar coating on losing your mind.
I, however, am not going to gloss over this wicked disease and tell you it will be all right.
It is a huge fear for me, as I watched my mother live with this wicked condition for several years. When she died, I experienced sadness, relief, and guilt.
Sadness that she was gone. Relief that I no longer had to worry about her physical and emotional well-being. And guilt that I was relieved she was gone.
I hope my children don’t go through the same thing with me.
I live a much healthier lifestyle than my mother did. However, I know I am still at risk. So I’ve chosen to consider this condition likely to happen to me and will plan accordingly. Until there’s a cure, that’s the best I can do to face this ugly reality.
On a good note, my mother retained her sense of humor late into her mental decline. This was partly her personality, and partly because only certain parts of her brain deteriorated. But still - I consider Dementia a vile condition.
The only positive thing I find is that I don’t know when I will die. So I live my life as best as I can now.
And that means doing what matters to me.
What Matters to You?
The concept of growing in wisdom, creativity, and well-being matters to me. It changes my perspective on aging - from passively getting old to actively growing in ways I haven’t before.
I hope that knowing your brain continues to positively change as you age encourages you as well.
Keep living your best life,
~Julie
[1] Cohen, Gene D. (2006) The Mature Mind: The Positive Power of the Aging Brain, Perseus Books Group, loc 210