As a writer, I frequently get lost in words. The light will shift outside my office window. I’ll look at the clock. Two hours or more will have passed. However, it feels like it’s only been 30 minutes.

This is “flow.”

Flow is a magical state. It’s a place where everything clicks. You feel completely present and alive. You become your best self and life feels effortless. Once you’ve experienced it, you want to experience it more.

I thought it only happened when I was creating – writing, playing the piano, baking, etc. But a couple of years ago I noticed it when I was at the gym. Time stopped. It was just me, the weights, and my muscles.

As I drove home, I felt as mentally refreshed as I was physically taxed. It was a bit of heaven! And I was hooked,

Flow isn't just a nice feeling. It's a scientifically studied phenomenon[i]. And it can transform your time ahead as you age.

Goldilocks Moments

In the 1970s, a Hungarian psychologist named Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi was studying what made people happy and engaged.

He kept hearing people describe the feeling of "flowing" with an activity they enjoyed. It was as if they were being carried along by a current.

Think of flow as the place where what you're doing is challenging enough to keep you engaged but not so difficult that you feel overwhelmed.

What flow is not:

Flow isn’t mindfulness. When you’re mindful, you’re present with your body and your environment. You observe thoughts, feelings, and surroundings with gentle attention. You are present in the moment with non-judgment. You are aware of the passing of time.

Flow is being present, but in a different way. It is being so completely absorbed in an activity that you don’t notice anything else. You are unaware of time going by.

Flow isn't relaxation. When you're relaxed your mind wanders freely.

Relaxing is wonderful and necessary, but it's not flow. In flow, your attention is laser-focused, but it doesn't feel like work.

Flow isn't stress. You’re fully engaged in an activity. Your brain is active. Unlike, stress, however, flow feels good.

There's no anxiety, no sense of being overwhelmed. Instead, there's a calm confidence, almost like you're dancing with the challenge rather than wrestling it to the ground.

Flow isn't just "being busy." We've all had days where we're constantly doing but feel scattered and drained.

Flow is the opposite—you're deeply absorbed in one thing, and that absorption energizes you.

You can experience flow while engaged in many activities. Things like organizing your photo albums, learning to use a new app on your phone, having a deep conversation with a friend, or mastering a new recipe.

The key is that flow happens when your skills are well-matched to the challenge at hand.

If the activity is too easy, you’ll get bored. If what you’re doing is too hard, however, you’ll feel anxious.

But when it's just right, you’ve found your Goldilocks moment.

Your Brain on Flow

When you slip into flow, you experience "transient hypofrontality." This is when certain parts of your prefrontal cortex temporarily go quiet. In other words, your inner critic shuts up.

This happens because your prefrontal cortex is the area responsible for self-criticism, time awareness, and conscious control.

Your brain doesn't just shut-down the critical voices. It also throws a delightful neurochemical party.

During flow, your brain releases a cocktail of feel-good chemicals that would make any pharmacist envious!

These include dopamine (the feel good hormone); Norepinephrine (regulates your fight or flight response); Anandamide (a memory regulator); and Endorphins (stress reducers & mood regulators).

These chemicals are the reason flow activities feel so satisfying and why you naturally want to return to them.

This is also why time seems to disappear during flow. With your time-tracking prefrontal cortex taking a coffee break, hours can pass in what feels like minutes.

By losing track of time, you actually gain something more valuable - presence.

Being present gives you a sense of satisfaction. And being fully present is becoming increasingly rare in our world of constant distractions and endless multitasking.

Flowing is Your Secret Weapon

Flow isn't just a pleasant experience. It’s actually a powerful tool for thriving in the last chapters of your life.

Research shows that regular flow experiences benefit you physically, emotionally, and socially.

Physical benefits:

Better Sleep Quality: The natural fatigue that comes from deep mental engagement, combined with flow's stress-reducing effects, often leads to more restful sleep. You may fall asleep more easily and sleep more soundly on days when you’ve experienced flow.

Stress Hormone Reduction: Flow activities naturally lower cortisol levels. Regular flow experiences provide a natural, sustainable way to keep stress hormones in check, which leads to better weight-management and an improved immune system.

Natural Pain Management: The endorphins released during flow act as natural painkillers. Flow activities can provide relief from discomfort, without medication.

Emotional advantages:

Increased Life Satisfaction: Regular flow experiences are strongly linked to overall life satisfaction and happiness. When you have activities that consistently bring you joy and engagement, you naturally feel more positive about your life as a whole.

Anxiety and Worry Reduction: The complete absorption of flow states provides natural relief from anxious thinking. When you're fully engaged in an activity, your mind can't simultaneously run worst-case scenarios or replay concerns.

Confidence Building: Flow activities give you a controlled environment that boosts self-esteem. Each time you navigate a challenge or master a new skill, you're proving to yourself that you can learn, grow, and adapt.

Social perks:

Enhanced Empathy and Connection: When you engage in flow activities with others—whether it's a book club discussion, a cooking class, or a hiking group—you often experience shared flow, which creates deep bonds and understanding.

Positive Modeling: When your family sees you engaged in activities you love, you're modeling healthy aging and lifelong learning. This can inspire others and shift family dynamics in positive ways.

New Community Building: Flow activities often connect you with like-minded people who share your interests. Whether it's a pottery class, writing group, or gardening club, these connections can lead to meaningful friendships based on shared passions rather than just proximity or obligation.

Do you Flow?

After I experienced a state of flow lifting weights, I started noticing when I felt it and when I didn’t. I became more conscious of how I spent my energy.

I discovered flow doesn't require large planned-out blocks of time. Even 15-20 minutes of focused engagement lifts my mood.

This helps me when I’m in a state of flow and I’m interrupted. I used to get grouchy. Now I just let it be.

Are there things you consciously do to get flowing?

If not, here are some ideas to help you spend more time feeling good in flow:

1. Take time at the end of the day and think about when you felt your best.

   1. Write down what you were doing

   2. Ask yourself if it was a flow state?

2. Think about activities you did to do in the past where you felt fulfilled and energized. (I want to play the piano again.)

3. Consider a pursuit you’d like to learn. Something like painting, ballet, or kayaking.

4. Include one or more of these things in your planning this next week.

Keep flowing,

Julie

[i] I’ve synthesized current research which includes the following sources: Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2014). Flow and the Foundations of Positive Psychology. Springer. (extras.springer.com) (2) Alameda, C., Sanabria, D., & Ciria, L. F. (2022). The brain in flow: A systematic review on the neural basis of the flow state. Cortex, 154, 348–364. DOI: 10.1016/j.cortex.2022.06.005. (PubMed) (3) Payne, B. R., Jackson, J. J., Noh, S. R., & Stine-Morrow, E. A. L. (2011). In the Zone: Flow State and Cognition in Older Adults. Psychology and Aging, 26(3), 738–743. (PubMed) (4)Volkow, N. D., Wise, R. A., & Baler, R. (2017). “The dopamine motive system …” Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 18(12), 741–752.
(PubMed)

One morning my 87-year old mom asked me a very unusual question. She said, “Do you think it’s okay if I ask God to take me?”

I had to pause and think about my answer.

My mom was suffering. She was often scared. She hated being confused. And she knew her dementia would only get worse. (In fact, it had become so bad, my daughter had recently moved in to help her.)

After I pondered my mom’s circumstances, I told her I thought it was okay to ask God to take her – but I couldn’t guarantee her prayer would be answered in the way she wanted.

When she got up the next morning, she said, “I’m still alive aren’t I?”

I could tell she was sad she wasn’t dead. We chatted and reminisced about her life. One thing she said has stayed with me – “Well, I guess I’ll just do the best I can.”

I never expected to have either of the above conversations. But I’m glad I did because it made me think about my own demise.

When Mortality First Becomes Real

For most of my life, death existed as an abstract idea - something that happened to other people. It was distant and theoretical.

Although various relatives died, my own death was easy to ignore as I went about achieving my goals.

Even when my dad died, my own passing seemed remote. But something changed with that conversation with my mom. Suddenly, mortality wasn’t abstract anymore. It became deeply personal.

And brushing aside thinking about it seemed cowardly.

Maybe you’ve had the same realization. It might not have come from a conversation, but something has made you consider the questions of: “What am I doing with my life? How will people remember me? What do I want to do with the time I have left?"

These aren’t casual questions you quickly Google and be done with it. These questions probe the very core of your existence, demanding you reflect about your life and whether you're living it authentically or merely going through the motions.

How deeply these questions affect you depends on several factors—your personality, life experiences, support systems, and existing coping mechanisms. For some people, these questions whisper quietly during late night moments of solitude. For others, they arrive like a thunderclap, impossible to ignore or dismiss.

What makes this midlife reckoning particularly powerful is its timing. You're no longer young enough to believe you have unlimited time to figure things out, yet you're (hopefully) not so old that meaningful change feels impossible. You stand at a crossroads where awareness meets opportunity—if you're brave enough to lean into the discomfort rather than run from it.

Responding to Your Own Mortality

When you're faced with the stark reality that you will eventually die, you might surprise yourself with how intensely negative you become.

People display a range of responses[i] when they confront their own mortality. Some spiral into despair while others discover profound meaning in their lives.

If thinking about your own death is threatening, you’ll ignore it. Not attend funerals, steer conversations away from aging, or throw yourself into distractions.

When you’re scared, it’s hard to process reality – even if it’s sometime in the future.

At the other end of the spectrum, you might surprise yourself by viewing your new awareness as an opportunity for deeper self-understanding and growth.

Rather than seeing death as life's great enemy, you recognize it as life's great teacher. If you find yourself here, you understand intuitively what research has begun to confirm: that confronting your mortality, while initially uncomfortable, can lead to a richer, more intentional way of living.

Or perhaps you’re in the middle. You feel grounded in faith and spiritual beliefs.

The promise of an afterlife, reunion with loved ones, or continuation of your soul provides a buffer against death's finality. These beliefs don't eliminate the fear of dying, but they do offer hope that death isn't an ending. It’s just a transition to something else.

This perspective can bring tremendous peace and allow you to face mortality with greater calm.

Your initial reaction might be different than those listed above. What's fascinating is that none of these responses is permanent.

You might cycle through different reactions – even in the same day. The goal isn't to judge your initial response but to recognize that how you first react to your own mortality isn't necessarily how you must always react to it.

What matters is what you do with your increased insight.

Two Paths Forward

Studies consistently show that confronting your own mortality and physical decline creates a fork in the road, leading to one of two distinctly different outcomes.

The first path is profound anxiety and existential angst.

When you become aware that your body is aging and your time is limited, it can trigger what psychologists call "death anxiety." This is a deep, sometimes paralyzing fear that can dominate your thoughts and rob you of peace.

If you find yourself lying awake at 3 AM worrying about how your body is not aging well, or if thoughts of death send you spiraling into panic, you're experiencing this very human response. You're certainly not alone, and you're not weak for feeling this way.

The second path sparks a meaningful reevaluation of your priorities and goals.

This process often leads to what researchers describe as a "broader perspective on life"—a kind of clarity that comes from understanding, perhaps for the first time, what truly matters to you.

The difference between these two paths isn't about courage or character. It often comes down to how you frame the experience.

If you view your awareness of mortality as a problem to be solved or a threat to be eliminated, you're likely to experience anxiety. But if you can see it as information to be processed, like a wake-up call, you open the door to personal growth in how you spend your time ahead.

What's encouraging is you're not locked into whatever your initial reaction is. You can shift from anxiety to growth.

Making Death Less Frightening with Exposure Therapy

The same psychological principle used to help people overcome their fear of spiders can help you develop a healthier relationship with mortality.

This is called exposure therapy, It’s the gold standard for treating fears and phobias.

The basic idea is counterintuitive, but it works. Instead of avoiding what scares you, you gradually and deliberately expose yourself to it in a safe, controlled way.

For instance, a person who is afraid of dogs might start by looking at pictures of puppies. Then they watch some videos of friendly dogs. Then they observe dogs from a distance. Eventually this person tries petting a calm, well-trained dog.

With each exposure, the fear diminishes.

You can apply this same principle to your fear of death.

Instead of pushing thoughts of mortality away when they arise, you can learn to sit with them, examine them, and gradually become more comfortable with their presence.

This doesn't mean becoming morbid or obsessed. It means developing the ability to think about your own mortality without being overwhelmed by panic or despair.

When you deliberately confront thoughts of your own death in this way, something remarkable often happens: the terror begins to fade, and life starts to feel more meaningful. Why? Because recognizing that your time is limited makes that time more precious.

Scarcity creates value, whether we're talking about diamonds, concert tickets, or the years you have left.

Tip: You can use this with most of your fears – such as looking old, losing your mobility, or even getting Dementia.

This isn't just modern psychology talking. Buddhist monks have long practiced something called "death meditation." This where they focus on the nine stages of death in their own bodies. It’s kind of morbid, but as death is unavoidable, it does take the resistance of decline and death away.

Simply allowing yourself to think about your own mortality with curiosity, rather than terror, is a form of gentle exposure therapy that can transform your relationship with death. And it can help you focus on your time ahead.

The Journey of Reevaluation

When you’re ready to confront your mortality head-on, one shift that can help you is considering the two types of virtues. These are resume virtues and eulogy virtues.

Resume virtues are exactly what they sound like—the skills, achievements, and accomplishments that look impressive on paper.

These are the things you've used most of your life, such as analyzing complex problems, managing teams, or creating innovative solutions. They're the external markers of success that society celebrates. They also form the backbone of most people’s professional identity.

Eulogy virtues, on the other hand, are the character traits and qualities of relationship that people remember about you after you're gone.

These things include kindness, loyalty, courage, honesty, and the ability to make others feel valued and understood. They're about who you are as a person, not what you accomplished.

While your resume virtues will decline as you get older, your eulogy virtues will increase.

Research suggests that in the decades over age 50, that this is when many people do their most meaningful work in developing character and deepening relationships.

This shift isn't just inevitable; it's inherently rewarding.

When you focus on developing eulogy virtues, you're not competing against younger, more energetic versions of yourself or others.

Instead, you're growing into something that only comes with time and experience: wisdom, perspective, and the kind of deep authenticity that emerges when you stop trying to impress others and start focusing on becoming the person you most want to be.

The beauty of focusing on eulogy virtues is that this work aligns perfectly with the natural process of aging. Instead of fighting against your changing capabilities, you're leaning into the unique strengths that come with having lived long enough to develop real wisdom and perspective.

Embracing Death as a Teacher

My mother's question about asking God to take her wasn't just about her suffering—it was about her recognition that death is not the enemy of life, but its ultimate teacher.

When she stated, "Well, I guess I'll just do the best I can," she was expresses acceptance, resilience, and the choice to live meaningfully, regardless of her circumstances.

You can do the same.

You can embrace aging. You can have an ongoing conversation with yourself about what it means to live well.

After all, the most important journey isn't toward a destination you can reach, but toward becoming the person you're meant to be along the way.

I hope you, like me, are trying to confront your fears of aging and dying. Getting Dementia still scares me, but I am slowly becoming more comfortable confronting it.

Don’t stop believing,

~Julie

[i] Ideas and research statistics have been paraphrased from Cohen, Gene D. (2006) The Mature Mind: The Positive Power of the Aging Brain, Perseus Books Group; AND Brooks, Arthur C. (2022). From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life. Penguin.

Last summer, a friend of mine told me about her mother’s birthday. She had just turned 78. Instead of a quiet dinner, her mom decided she wanted to take her grandchildren ziplining.

Naturally, the family thought she was joking—but she wasn’t. Harnessed up and grinning, she sailed through the trees, whooping louder than the kids.

Later that night, over cake, she said something to her family that stuck with me: “When I was younger, I worried about doing everything right. Now I just want to do what matters. And today, this mattered.”

Doing what matters, instead of doing things right (according to society’s standards) demonstrates the kind of wisdom that’s gained over a lifetime of experience.

This wisdom reshapes what we value and how we spend our time.

This is one of benefits of Developmental Intelligence, we discussed last week. Now, we’re going to see how our Developmental Intelligence evolves through our life.

The Four Phases of Growth in the Second Half of Life

Phase I: Quest (mid-30’s to mid-60’s)

This is essentially the Quest for the meaning of life. Specifically, the meaning of your life.

You hear about people going through a mid-life crisis. This is the stage they’re talking about. It doesn’t have to be a crisis, however. That is just one way of dealing with the restless feelings frequently experienced as you confront your mortality.

More often than not, looking at your life with fresh eyes sparks an Inner Push to find the values that matter most.

In this time of reflection, you might pause and ask yourself:

• Where have I been?

• Where am I now?

• Where am I going?

During this stage you’ll find yourself becoming less impulsive and more thoughtful. You’ll start to appreciate complexity, trust your intuition, and rethink the kind of work and relationships that truly matter to you.

This happens because your brain continues changing throughout your life. As you age, the left and right hemispheres communicate more smoothly, balancing logic with intuition.

That means you have greater productivity, creativity, and a clearer sense of self than you did when you were younger.

Phase II: Zest (late 50s into the 70s)

If the first phase is about reevaluating your life, the second is about breaking free.

In this stage, the questions shift from “What’s safe?” to “Why not?” and “If not now, when?”

This is the time when most people consider retirement.

You may start your retirement taking a much needed rest. You need to rejuvenate and relax.

Eventually, however, you’ll feel a desire to reinvent yourself. This will become a time to experiment, to contemplate what’s next, and to try things that got pushed aside during the busy middle years. (My friend’s mother, mentioned above, was in this stage of life.)

The motivation (ie. Inner Push) here is toward liberation—not compliance. It’s a time to shed old expectations and discover the joy of doing what you want to do, rather than what you should do.

This might be the time you decide to make a career change, especially if you’re unfulfilled in your current job. You might feel the need to satisfy your passion, as did 69% of older workers who switched professions.

Phase III: Meaning (late 60s through 80s)

By the time you enter your late 60s and beyond, reflection becomes just as important as innovation. This phase is marked by a strong desire to make sense of your story and give back in meaningful ways.

People often take up projects like organizing family photos, writing memoirs, or passing down family history.

Research shows “80% of people in this stage do some kind of volunteer work.^[1]”

The big questions you ask here are similar to:

• How do I want to be remembered?

• How do I leave the world better than I found it?

• How can I resolve conflicts with my loved ones before it’s too late?

Interestingly, your brain seems to relish this phase. Both hemispheres fire together, enriching your ability to connect meaning with memory. The result is not just nostalgia, but inner insight, as your mind lights up with ideas.

Phase IV: Mellowing (late 70s until life’s end)

The final phase is reflection and celebration.

Even now, your brain is learning and evolving. New dendrites, synapses, and neurons continue to form—especially when you stay mentally and physically active.

However, you might also notice certain cognitive abilities slowing down. You might have a harder time remembering details or staying focuses.

At the same time, you’ll find certain capacities deepen. Wisdom takes on new richness, resilience grows stronger, and satisfaction with life often increases. You’ll feel a sense of peace, even in the face of illness or limitations.

Positive emotions tend to outweigh negative ones as the amygdala itself changes in ways that support well-being.

This is the phase where your creativity can blossom. New forms of art, advocacy, or community involvement might intrigue you. These interests will be fueled not by ambition, but by your desire to live your life more full-filled.

The myths of aging as decline are just that—myths. You can expect not only growth but joy, right up until the final encore.

But what if you’re sick or get Dementia?

At every age you may experience accidents, disease, financial difficulties, etc. And these unfortunate problems do tend to increase as we age.

But dementia is in a league of it’s own…

“It seems difficult if not impossible to say someone is aging “successfully” when they have progressive cognitive and functional loss.” And some “experts” try to put a sugar coating on losing your mind.

I, however, am not going to gloss over this wicked disease and tell you it will be all right.

It is a huge fear for me, as I watched my mother live with this wicked condition for several years. When she died, I experienced sadness, relief, and guilt.

Sadness that she was gone. Relief that I no longer had to worry about her physical and emotional well-being. And guilt that I was relieved she was gone.

I hope my children don’t go through the same thing with me.

I live a much healthier lifestyle than my mother did. However, I know I am still at risk. So I’ve chosen to consider this condition likely to happen to me and will plan accordingly. Until there’s a cure, that’s the best I can do to face this ugly reality.

On a good note, my mother retained her sense of humor late into her mental decline. This was partly her personality, and partly because only certain parts of her brain deteriorated. But still - I consider Dementia a vile condition.

The only positive thing I find is that I don’t know when I will die. So I live my life as best as I can now.

And that means doing what matters to me.

What Matters to You?

The concept of growing in wisdom, creativity, and well-being matters to me. It changes my perspective on aging - from passively getting old to actively growing in ways I haven’t before.

I hope that knowing your brain continues to positively change as you age encourages you as well.

Keep living your best life,

~Julie

^[1] Cohen, Gene D. (2006) The Mature Mind: The Positive Power of the Aging Brain, Perseus Books Group, loc 210

Imagine walking into your U.S. History class in high school. What do you see? If your class was like mine, it was pretty much beige everywhere with a window looking out onto a concrete walkway.

It was a great place to take a nap.

My kids, however, had a different experience. They walked into class and saw a pirate ship hanging from the ceiling, a bunch of buccaneer paraphernalia plastered to the walls, and a huge treasure chest next to the teacher’s desk.

It was a great place to have fun - and learn at the same time.

They had an unusual teacher, Mr. Hansen. Mr. Hansen was unusual because he started teaching when he was in his 50’s. He’d sold a successful business and gotten a teaching certificate because he was bored. He taught history to share his love of the subject.

And he came up with all sorts of ways to teach that the kids loved; scavenger hunts, pirate raids, and regional food parties.

Mr. Hansen had learned to use his crystallized intelligence and excel at something he enjoyed.

Two Types of Intelligence

In 1971 Raymond Cattell, a British psychologist, wanted to know why some skills decrease as we age, and why some abilities don’t appear until later in life.

After years of research, he proposed that we have two types of intelligence:

• The first he called fluid intelligence. This is the ability to reason, be flexible, and solve novel problems.

• The second he called crystallized intelligence. This your ability to use all the knowledge you’ve accumulated over your lifetime.

When you are young you have raw smarts, or fluid intelligence. When you are old, you have wisdom, or crystallized intelligence.

In other words, "When you are young, you can generate lots of facts; when you are old, you know what they mean and how to use them."^[1]

The “Young Brain” X-Factor: Speed and Flexibility

Fluid intelligence helps you:

• Think quickly on your feet in unfamiliar situations

• Solve puzzles or problems you’ve never seen before

• Manage multiple tasks at once

• Learn new skills with ease

If you remember your 25-year-old self breezing through grad school, pulling all-nighters to get homework done, or multitasking your way through high-stakes projects—that’s fluid intelligence in action.

This quick, adaptable mental processing starts to decline in your late twenties. It’s so gradual you don’t notice it for decades.

As this type of intelligence slows down, however, your brain expands it’s neural network. It now uses crystallized intelligence.

The “Wise Brain” Superpower: Discernment

Crystallized intelligence is the accumulated knowledge, insight, and skills you've built over a lifetime. Unlike fluid intelligence, it doesn’t diminish with age—it actually gets stronger.

It includes your ability to:

• Comprehend complex ideas

• Recognize patterns based on experience

• Exercise sound judgment and decision-making

• See the bigger picture

In short: it’s everything you’ve learned through education, experience, and living.

Think of it this way: at 25, you could pick up a new software tool in a weekend. At 55, you can look at a messy workplace problem, instantly see three potential solutions, predict which one will work best, and anticipate side effects your younger colleagues wouldn’t even consider.

Your brain hasn’t lost the ability to learn new things. What’s changed is how it learns.

Rather than memorizing facts quickly (fluid intelligence), your brain is now more discerning. It excels at understanding deeper concepts and connecting new information to an existing framework of knowledge (crystallized intelligence).

The Great Trade-Up: Wisdom in Action

So why does this shift happen?

Because your brain isn’t done developing after your 20’s—it’s just getting more sophisticated.

In younger adults, brain activity tends to favor one hemisphere or the other for specific tasks. As you mature, your brain becomes more collaborative, using both side to integrate logic and creativity.

This creates entirely new capabilities.

Brain scans of people in their 50s, 60s, and beyond reveal something remarkable: while some areas may process information more slowly, the brain compensates by forming new neural pathways and activating regions younger brains don’t even use.

Your brain isn’t falling behind. It’s evolving!

The term for this is developmental intelligence. It’s the ability to trade speed for depth, reactivity for perspective, and surface-level thinking for real wisdom.^[2]

This deepening wisdom, judgment, and perspective enables you to get better at what matters most in life, such as:

• Improved Emotional Regulation: You are calmer than you were in your twenties because you handle stress and conflict better.

• Enhanced Pattern Recognition: You see trends and connections that others miss—because you’ve seen them before.

• Integrated Thinking: You can weigh multiple perspectives at once and find nuance in black-and-white issues.

• Intuitive Wisdom: Your hard-earned experience translates into those gut feelings about people and decisions.

Why Society Gets This Wrong

Our youth-obsessed culture tells us faster is better. Younger is better. And prettier is better.

Guess what? Those “better’ things don’t translate into happier people.

The developed world’s obsession with youth has skewed our perception, especially in the workplace. Sure, a 22-year-old might come up with clever apps faster. But when it comes to understanding customer needs, predicting market shifts, or leading a team through a crisis—experience wins.

In an era where AI is rapidly replacing more routine, entry-level tasks, we’re seeing a growing appreciation for the depth and nuance that only experienced minds can offer.

So instead of thinking, “I’m not as sharp as I used to be,” Think:

“My brain has evolved from a race car into a high-precision navigation system.”

Your Time Ahead

Understanding how my thinking is evolving changes how I see my future. I hope it changes how you see your future as well.

I love how Mr. Hansen (the history teacher mentioned above) utilized his experience to create a life he enjoyed. And he did so in a way that made the world a better place.

His example gives me hope that I can figure out how to live the next decades in a way I enjoy, while also making the world a bit better.

What things would you like to do in the coming years?

Because you’re stepping into this mature season of life with:

• Enhanced wisdom

• Enlightened judgment

• Elevated cognitive capabilities

The question isn’t whether you can keep up with your younger self.

The real question is:

Are you ready to stop chasing youth—and start leveraging the incredible intellectual strengths that come with the age you are?

Your brain hasn’t been getting worse.
It’s been preparing.

Preparing for what?

That’s what we’ll explore in the next article, as we dive into the four remarkable phases of adult brain development.

Keep learning,

~Julie

^[1] Brooks, Arthur C. (2022). From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life. Penguin. pg xiv

^[2] Cohen, Gene D. (2006) The Mature Mind: The Positive Power of the Aging Brain, Perseus Books Group, loc 109

The last time I spoke with my dad, we were sitting in his living room when he announced he wanted to run another 5K. He'd need time to train and thought he'd be ready in three years. Then he asked if I would run it with him.

I thought it was a ludicrous idea, but I didn't want to disappoint my 96-year-old father. So I said yes.

My dad accomplished remarkable things in his long life. He served as a First Gunner's Mate aboard the U.S.S. St. Louis during the attack on Pearl Harbor. After the war, he worked as a journeyman plumber, eventually taking over the business and developing it into Burdick Contractors—a multi-state company. Along the way, he obtained his pilot's license and flew to visit his division offices.

All this with only a ninth-grade education.

A lifelong runner, my dad completed his first marathon in his 50s. He then challenged himself further, flying to Hawaii to complete his first Ironman at age 60.

When we sat in his living room that day, his 96-year-old mind remembered all he had accomplished. Running a 5K would be easy, he thought.

His body disagreed.

The Turning Point

My dad remained an active entrepreneur until his mid-70s. Even after selling his business, he stayed busy—investing in small companies, traveling, and training for triathlons.

Until he turned 84.

That's when he couldn't finish the swimming portion of a triathlon within the time limit. After that moment, his health declined. He wouldn't admit it, but physically, mentally, and emotionally, he felt lost.

Having purpose and control was central to my dad's identity and health. My siblings and I didn't understand this. We weren't old yet, so we naively thought he should just relax and not worry about anything.

He'd made many successful transitions throughout his life—from poor, uneducated kid to sailor, to business owner, to athlete. He had always controlled those changes. Old age, however, was thrust upon him. And he fought against it.

My dad was struggling with what Arthur C. Brooks calls "the Striver's Curse."

What Is the Striver's Curse?

In his book From Strength to Strength^[1], Brooks describes the Striver's Curse as what happens when successful people who strive for excellence find they can no longer accomplish everything as they once did.

You feel anxious about not achieving your goals anymore. This anxiety makes even your successes increasingly unsatisfying. You secretly worry your best days are behind you. This striving attitude can also damage your relationships.

Are You a Striver Too?

You've been successful in life—especially in your career. You're proud of your accomplishments, experiences, and possessions.

But recently, you're feeling uneasy. Your achievements aren't as fulfilling as they once were. People used to hang on your every word. Now they see you as somewhat outdated.

(If this doesn't describe you, you're probably not a striver. But keep reading—you likely know strivers, and this will help you understand them better. It may also help you address your own fears about aging.)

You feel yourself slowing down, but you don't know what else to do. Your work (or identity as an athlete, parent, etc.) is your life. So like my dad, you keep going and deny the reality that you're changing.

Although you know you're aging, you don't think it will affect your performance until you're much older. This feeling of "I'm not old yet" is common. Even when you start wearing reading glasses, you might deny that you're aging.

This happens because you're addicted to the dopamine hit of success.

Others call it a strong work ethic. But it becomes an addiction when you pursue success at the expense of your health and relationships. After all, quitting is for quitters.

And quitters are forgotten.

The Fear of Irrelevance

The fear of becoming irrelevant is real as people age. If you become insignificant, what happens? We're social creatures who need to feel valued by our group. No one wants social isolation.

Feeling irrelevant—or better yet, "unseen"—happens when we compare ourselves to others and find ourselves lacking. If you've always felt ahead of your peers, falling off that pedestal means a long way down.

We all view ourselves through rose-colored glasses. As we age, our sense of being special can fade, which is disheartening.

You Can Change Your Path

This information might seem depressing, but it's meant to wake you up to reality: growing older means you can't keep doing the same things the same way. Grinding through life won't work anymore.

Physical and mental decline begins slowly—earlier than you'll notice. This happens to everyone.

Starting around age 40, your metabolism slows, energy declines, and muscles begin to shrink. Your brain processes information more slowly, and multitasking takes longer.

But this doesn't mean your ability to be productive and happy has ended.

There's a Better Way Forward

You can grow older and actually experience more meaning and happiness than ever before. The key is transcending your decline and finding a new kind of success.

This isn't wishful thinking—it's backed by scientific research.

Studies show that older people actually excel at certain types of thinking. Around age 50, your brain changes. You begin using both brain hemispheres^[2] for tasks that younger people accomplish with only one side.

This bilateral brain use might not sound significant, but it allows you to generate more novel and better solutions to complex problems than younger people can. It gives you deepening judgment, perspective, and vision.

This growing wisdom and enhanced problem-solving ability will be the focus of our next issue.

^[1] Brooks, Arthur C. (2022). From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness, and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life. Penguin. pg xiv

^[2] Cohen, Gene D. (2006) The Mature Mind: The Positive Power of the Aging Brain, Perseus Books Group, loc 109

Last time we talked about Zombies and how they’re made up - just like retirement.

Today we’re going to discuss sea squirts, which are real.

Meet a sea squirt (pictured above). This tiny animal is easily overlooked. At only about 4 inches in size (10 cm), it’s life is fascinating.

A sea squirt starts out as a small, swimming, one-eyed tadpole.

After a few days floating in the ocean, it finds a place to call home. It settles down on a rock, an old pier, or a sunken ship to live the rest of its life. It then morphs into an adult by …

eating it’s brain!

It’s a very clever adaptation. After all, if you’re not going to move, do you even need a brain?

Brains evolved to orchestrate movement. To me that’s astounding. And this relationship between mind and muscle is often ignored.

Yet it makes a lot of sense. Think about young kids. They feel great. They joy in being alive. And they constantly move.

As we get older, however, we slow down.

So we must consciously incorporate moving into our days. We all know this. We know we should move more. Our doctors tell us to walk, jog, or bike. And these cardio activities are great for heart-health.

But they don’t unstick your brain.

Resistance training is moving, as well. It greases the neurons of your brain so you think better.

Resistance training unsticks your brain.

Resistance training builds muscles. It includes weightlifting, calisthenics, resistance bands, and workout machines.

People who engage in resistance training tend to have better brain health. The reasons have to do with lower CVD (cardio-vascular disease), better insulin resistance, more Myokines, etc, etc. In short - more muscle mass means less brain fog.

Instead of going through all the scientific data, here’s a personal example:

Shortly after the pandemic restrictions were lifted, I noticed the filing cabinet of my brain needed oiling. The drawers were sticking. They wouldn’t open when I tried to remember a word or someone’s name. It was frustrating.

My doctor recommended I sign up for Elevate, a brain training app. It has scientific evidence for improving your memory. I used this app every day for about 90 days.

It didn’t help.

I was headed to Europe in a few months. I thought learning a language would improve my memory. I signed up for Duolingo. I enjoyed learning French, but it didn’t improve that stuck-drawer feeling in my memory.

In the fall of 2023, I started a weightlifting program. I didn’t start because of my memory. I started because I noticed I was having difficulty getting up off the floor without putting my hand on a bench or chair. Lifting weights changed that.

It also cleared up my brain fog!

Within a few weeks of lifting weights, that “stuck-drawer” feeling was gone. I couldn’t figure out why, so I did what any curious person does; I googled it.

Up came several studies touting more muscle mass = less brain fog.

Why didn’t my doctor tell me that?

My doctor didn’t know! He hadn’t read studies showing more muscle mass improves memory.

Your doctor doesn’t know everything either. It’s up to you, the patient, to learn about your health. Then — consulting with your doctor — make the best decisions you can.

My doctor recently retired. When I met my new doctor, one of the first questions he asked was, “Do you exercise regularly?”

I told him I lift weights 3x a week at the gym. He high-fived me, and said, “That’s the best thing you can do to age well.” My new doctor is aware of the benefits of weightlifting and recommends it to all his patients.

What if you don‘t like resistance training?

Before I discovered this particular type of strength-training, I thought I hated resistance exercise. Yoga, Pilates, regular gym workouts were all “meh.” Cross-fit was a hard “no thank you.”

Now I love lifting weights.

What made the difference was going to a private gym. One owned by a fitness coach.

She and her husband offer semi-private fitness sessions. Each person has their own program, tailored to their needs. There are others in the gym achieving their own goals as well. It’s a community of fitness-seekers. It was a game-changer for me.

Your solution might not look like mine. But if you haven’t found a type of resistance training you like -- keep experimenting.

And recognize you may already be doing some weight-bearing exercises.

For instance, a friend told me how much she hates the gym. Yet her habit of carrying 50 lbs. of dog food counts as strength training. (This friend is very competitive. Because I can squat holding a 55 lb. dumbbell, she now squats holding a bag of dog food!)

Another friend insisted he hated the weight room. But he does calisthenics every morning. That’s resistance training!

Just know that to gain muscle all over, you may have to do a few exercises you dislike.

Think 20% Broccoli & 80% Honey Chicken

Find the delicious honey chicken exercises you like and do those for most of your exercises. Then add in the yucky broccoli things — because they‘re good for you.

You might end up liking that broccoli! (I hated Bulgarian split squats for 2 years. Now they’re challenging, but enjoyable!)

Having more muscle mass as you get older does more than unstick your brain. It reduces the risk of osteoporosis, gives you more energy, and improves your overall healthspan. (Healthspan is how long you are healthy.)

Another great benefit is that muscles are the main factor in basal metabolic rate. Which means the more muscles you have, the more food you get to eat.

Keep moving,

~Julie

Closing Question:

Have you discovered a type of exercise you love? Or one that you detest? There are so many programs out there, and I enjoy delving into stuff.

I’m curious about your thoughts and experiences - so let me know with a comment below :)

Zombies, vampires, mummies and other walking dead have fascinated people for centuries. Zombies, in particular, are more thrilling than terrifying.

Watching “The Walking Dead” (and other doomsday films) lets us yell at the screen over stupid decisions characters make. We get to vicariously experience scary things. We know Zombies aren’t real. Yet these situations help us navigate difficult circumstances in our real lives.

Three Lessons we can learn from a Zombie Apocalypse:

1. We need to confront our dark side.

We all have a dark side. Confronting it before it rears it’s ugly head can prevent fighting over toilet paper. We can decide to share instead. Or maybe we’ll stock up before store shelves are empty. (The Zombies may have won if they’d attacked during Covid-19!)

2. We are intrigued by survival.

Experiencing apocalyptic conditions (even in a movie theatre) sparks our imagination. It makes us feel lucky, alive, and daring. Surviving a vicarious catastrophe can help us Keep Calm and Carry On in real life.

3. We long to connect with others.

You survive a Zombie attack by banding together. Loners die - or are turned into more Zombies. (Is AI the new Zombie threat? It can be your girlfriend, and that leaves you as a loner.) Today it is challenging to connect with real people. But it’s worth the effort.

The lessons learned above don’t just help survive a mythical Zombie apocalypse. They can help you transition into the last decades of your life.

Consider - Zombies are made up (and so is retirement!)

Everyone knows Zombies aren’t real. But most people assume “the golden years” are the way to live when you get over a certain age. We’ve been raised to see our lives in three parts:

• Learning (birth thru mid 20’s)

• Producing (20’s thru 60’s)

• Retiring (60’s until death)

Many people feel healthy, vibrant, and productive through their old age. This is three decades we’re supposed to spend “retired.”

Retired means to withdraw.

And through most of history, retired people weren’t a thing.

People worked until they simply couldn’t. They became injured, frail, or mentally infirm. At that point, these elderly were cared for by their families or work guilds.

The first pension came about during the Civil War. It was a precursor to our current social security system.

And it was never about “the golden years.”

The golder years was an idea dreamed up by real estate developers. They created ads to sell homes in retirement communities. It was an old age of no problems and perpetual relaxation. One of these developers was Del Webb.

Del Webb created Sun City, Arizona in 1960. It wasn’t the first retirement community, but at 10,000 acres it was the largest. Ads for Sun City changed the way Americans thought about retirement.

The radio jingle for Sun City stated:

"Wake up and live in Sun City
For an active new way of life.
Wake up and live in Sun City
Mr. Senior Citizen and wife.
Don't let retirement get you down!
Be happy in Sun City; it's a paradise town."

Perhaps you envision your retirement as a Sun City time of pure leisure. You might need a looong vacation from a job you detest.

And that’s understandable.

But even if you can afford to spend 25 years on vacation, do you want to spend your last years doing nothing? It sounds great - now - but after a while, you will get bored. Or experience depression, as 1 in 3 retirees report (higher that the average).

This time is no longer THE Golden Years. It’s THE Time of Life on Your Terms

Or as I say, Your Time Ahead.

As you read this you might be thinking, “But I’m looking forward to retirement.”

“We look forward to retirement because we will finally get to relax and enjoy life. But people who have lived in a routine for 20 to 30 plus years have a difficult time transitioning into a space where there is no structured routine.”

So look forward to retiring from work. And consider how you have been spending your time and how it will change.

If you spent 40 plus hours a week as someone with a title, you had structure, purpose, and problems to solve. You worked while interacting with others at your workplace.

When you quit a full time job, you are thrown into a confrontation of the dark side as you suffer five significant, unavoidable losses^[1]. These loses are the source of the depression mentioned above, and they include:

• Structure

• Relationships

• Identity

• A sense of purpose

• A sense of power

Structure: When you have a job, you have structure to your day. You have certain tasks that have to get done. Being adrift without this structure makes it easy to procrastinate. Procrastinate for a long time and you lose your sense of direction.

Relationships: Feeling like a fish out of water is normal when you don’t interact with colleagues every day. Even though some of those relationships may have been irritating, they were also familiar. And interacting with others regularly is good for your mental health.

Identity: Your identity is closely associated with your job title. Now, when others ask what you do, how do you answer? Developing a new identity comes from having a new purpose.

Purpose: Throughout your working life, a big part of your purpose was also tied to your job. Now that’s gone. You have to re-find yourself and re-purpose your life. Looking inside yourself to find this purpose can be uncomfortable.

Power: Achieving mastery and influence in your job usually takes years. And you probably left at the hight of your ability to influence others. This can seem like a huge letdown.

As you work through the above losses, you develop the vitality that comes through surviving something difficult.

You will also find your own way to connect with others through relationships and purpose.

What’s next?

I have intentionally left you hanging without solutions. This article is to get you thinking about what’s coming up in your time ahead.

There are no right or wrong answers.

Good decisions are based on good information. You’ve been given some good info. Now, think about what you’ve read.

Then forget it.

When you’re doing something mundane, like showering, walking the dog, or cooking, an idea will pop into your head. Write that idea down. Eventually you’ll figure out what you want the first part of your retirement to look like.

Until next time,

~Julie

P.S. Stay tuned - Zombies now, Sea Squirts next! And more goodies after that.

P.S.S. Something Fun: Sun City video from 1960:

^[1] The Four Phases of Retirement: What to do, p 16